Having him around is so much cooler than having a ferret.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Sleight of Hand "The Magician" Gewürztraminer 2006
• The waistband of my jeans is above my navel.
• I love reruns of Law & Order.
• I have to wax the bridge of my nose.
And now, for the final indignity, I'm drinking Gewürztraminer.
It's just as I always feared—I'm turning into my mother.
Because this is my mom's favorite varietal, I have always thought of it as a flabby, maternal wine. I've scorned it over the years: "Guh-worst-thing-I-ever-tasted" was probably my most-used epithet. And I meant it. I pointed to Mom's love of this grape as a clear sign that she'd destroyed her palate with years of drinking teacher's lounge coffee.
So, for me, the combination of the whole "my mom likes it" thing with the oh-so-German name and the fact that it's a white meant one thing and one thing only: Gewürztraminer was the unsexiest wine of all time.
I wouldn't have taken Gewürztraminer on a date even if it were dipped in chocolate and bathed in pheromones.
But after I tasted The Magician, I decided to go on a mission to change the frumpy image of this cute little white. In Hollywood terms, it needed to let its hair down and start wearing contacts instead of Coke-bottle glasses.
And I think we all know how I made that happen—I gave it some of my sweet, sweet lovin'.
And so did Topper.
OK, so now that we slipped it a little tongue, let's talk about the actual taste. I drank The Magician while eating a Hawaiian calzone from Sweet Basil Pizzeria. Why? Because you can't get decent Chinese food anywhere in greater Walla Walla.
With the pineapple and ham as enhancements, this little white showed surprising depth. While it's quite a bit drier than the average Gewürztraminer, it has a green apple tartness and a scent not unlike hard cider. When you add the pineapple, there's a strong grapefruit twist. It is worth ordering the pizza just for that.
PRICE: ONLY $16 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: It's like they say, you'll be fighting over the last drops.
SNOB VALUE: Hard to judge. It's cheap, and yet it's fairly hard to find. Kind of like your mom. Ha.
WHERE TO FIND IT: Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: I hope the viognier never sees the rest of the photos.
• I love reruns of Law & Order.
• I have to wax the bridge of my nose.
And now, for the final indignity, I'm drinking Gewürztraminer.
It's just as I always feared—I'm turning into my mother.
Because this is my mom's favorite varietal, I have always thought of it as a flabby, maternal wine. I've scorned it over the years: "Guh-worst-thing-I-ever-tasted" was probably my most-used epithet. And I meant it. I pointed to Mom's love of this grape as a clear sign that she'd destroyed her palate with years of drinking teacher's lounge coffee.
So, for me, the combination of the whole "my mom likes it" thing with the oh-so-German name and the fact that it's a white meant one thing and one thing only: Gewürztraminer was the unsexiest wine of all time.
I wouldn't have taken Gewürztraminer on a date even if it were dipped in chocolate and bathed in pheromones.
But after I tasted The Magician, I decided to go on a mission to change the frumpy image of this cute little white. In Hollywood terms, it needed to let its hair down and start wearing contacts instead of Coke-bottle glasses.
And I think we all know how I made that happen—I gave it some of my sweet, sweet lovin'.
And so did Topper.
OK, so now that we slipped it a little tongue, let's talk about the actual taste. I drank The Magician while eating a Hawaiian calzone from Sweet Basil Pizzeria. Why? Because you can't get decent Chinese food anywhere in greater Walla Walla.
With the pineapple and ham as enhancements, this little white showed surprising depth. While it's quite a bit drier than the average Gewürztraminer, it has a green apple tartness and a scent not unlike hard cider. When you add the pineapple, there's a strong grapefruit twist. It is worth ordering the pizza just for that.PRICE: ONLY $16 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: It's like they say, you'll be fighting over the last drops.
SNOB VALUE: Hard to judge. It's cheap, and yet it's fairly hard to find. Kind of like your mom. Ha.
WHERE TO FIND IT: Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: I hope the viognier never sees the rest of the photos.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Conserve water; drink wine.
Environmental fanaticism: The act of eating condensed tomato soup directly from the can in order to save water.Environmental responsibility: The act of hiring a consultant to tell you how to maximize the fungal load in your soil without using dangerous chemical compounds.
I got the most recent “School News” (the newsletter from L’Ecole No. 41) over the weekend, and I gotta tell you, the cover story is actually pretty interesting. The complete text is available on the website, but the short version is this: During the past couple years, they’ve gradually been conditioning a near-sterile former wheat field into grape-worthy soil. And they’ve been doing it the “natural” way—plowing decaying grasses, manure and minerals into the topsoil to encourage (potentially delicious?) microbes to make their homes on the windy slopes. Just one more reason to love Marty, folks.
More great news from L'Ecole: They just released the 2007 Walla Voila—a white wine that the charlatan considers to be nothing short of a close personal friend.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Explanation/apology
Sorry for the long silence. Fact is, my sense of taste is currently out of commission. And if I can't taste, I can't taste...you know?
Once I beat the bird flu, or consumption, or cholera, or diphtheria or whatever this nastiness is that has dulled my sense of taste (But sharpened my other senses? Let's hope...), I'll be back.
Once I beat the bird flu, or consumption, or cholera, or diphtheria or whatever this nastiness is that has dulled my sense of taste (But sharpened my other senses? Let's hope...), I'll be back.
Monday, March 24, 2008
P.S.: I Love You
I had the pleasure of finishing off another bottle of Stephenson Viognier this weekend at the Whoopemup.
It was a little bit like the infamous diner scene in When Harry Met Sally...
Just sayin'. If you haven't tried it yet, do it now.
It was a little bit like the infamous diner scene in When Harry Met Sally...
Just sayin'. If you haven't tried it yet, do it now.
DaMa Cabernet Sauvignon 2004
It takes a bold wine to wash out the taste of point-blank rejection.
And in my opinion, whiskey is faster.
That said, I only had wine in my apartment tonight, so I went with wine.
DaMa cab 2004 reminds me of my vanilla cigarillo phase—somehow, Dawn and Mary managed to take a dark, smoky wine and infuse a guardrail of vanilla that can only be accessed by driving drunk on pistachio highway.
What happened was, I've been having this series of strange, desperate nonrelationships with strange, desperate men. To solace myself, I've been eating pistachios and writing long, weepy e-mails. Well, tonight I remembered that it has been a while since I said anything about wine. Maybe that'll cheer me up, I thought.
For once, I picked the right wine. While DaMa recommends The Alienist or White Lights, I'm going with Jesus' Son by Denis Johnson. It makes me feel better about my life. You know, at least I'm not a drug-addicted drifter. At least I don't spend my free time after work watching Mennonites take showers. At least I don't go on acid trips in the library in downtown Seattle. Take that, world. This is real-life success.
Ha. Ha. Ha. Back to the wine. At first all I could taste was deliciously acrid, smoky, burnt-cherry darkness (dark as the souls of desperate townies, dear reader), but once I ate a handful of pistachios, I was floating on a river. A river with vanilla trees and vanilla skies. If somebody calls you, you should answer quite slowly—it's a wine charlatan with kaleidescope eyes.
PRICE: $25 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: This is probably too intense for everyday sipping, but it'd be great with buffalo wings or anything involving Louisiana hot sauce. However, in retrospect, I've downed half a bottle myself in the past two hours, so I'm going to rate the drinkability as "high."
SNOB VALUE: Also high. People who like wine appreciate those of their comrades who possess muscular palates.
WHERE TO FIND IT: DaMa Wines, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: And you, you ridiculous people, you expect me to help you?!
And in my opinion, whiskey is faster.
That said, I only had wine in my apartment tonight, so I went with wine.
DaMa cab 2004 reminds me of my vanilla cigarillo phase—somehow, Dawn and Mary managed to take a dark, smoky wine and infuse a guardrail of vanilla that can only be accessed by driving drunk on pistachio highway.
What happened was, I've been having this series of strange, desperate nonrelationships with strange, desperate men. To solace myself, I've been eating pistachios and writing long, weepy e-mails. Well, tonight I remembered that it has been a while since I said anything about wine. Maybe that'll cheer me up, I thought.
For once, I picked the right wine. While DaMa recommends The Alienist or White Lights, I'm going with Jesus' Son by Denis Johnson. It makes me feel better about my life. You know, at least I'm not a drug-addicted drifter. At least I don't spend my free time after work watching Mennonites take showers. At least I don't go on acid trips in the library in downtown Seattle. Take that, world. This is real-life success.Ha. Ha. Ha. Back to the wine. At first all I could taste was deliciously acrid, smoky, burnt-cherry darkness (dark as the souls of desperate townies, dear reader), but once I ate a handful of pistachios, I was floating on a river. A river with vanilla trees and vanilla skies. If somebody calls you, you should answer quite slowly—it's a wine charlatan with kaleidescope eyes.
PRICE: $25 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: This is probably too intense for everyday sipping, but it'd be great with buffalo wings or anything involving Louisiana hot sauce. However, in retrospect, I've downed half a bottle myself in the past two hours, so I'm going to rate the drinkability as "high."
SNOB VALUE: Also high. People who like wine appreciate those of their comrades who possess muscular palates.
WHERE TO FIND IT: DaMa Wines, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: And you, you ridiculous people, you expect me to help you?!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Problem solved?
Shipping News
My parents live in Pennsylvania, a state with liquor laws that make Pittsburgh look like Pyongyang. Will I finally be able to order wine for them online, or will I continue to purchase, pack and mail it by hand?
I shudder to think that Amazon's "clout" is the only thing working in my favor.
Then again, these are the same people who are selling me DRM-free MP3s.
My parents live in Pennsylvania, a state with liquor laws that make Pittsburgh look like Pyongyang. Will I finally be able to order wine for them online, or will I continue to purchase, pack and mail it by hand?
I shudder to think that Amazon's "clout" is the only thing working in my favor.
Then again, these are the same people who are selling me DRM-free MP3s.
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