Cougar Crest Viognier 2005

6:30 p.m.
I may be a charlatan when it comes to wine, but I'm an authority when it comes to beer. And this, my friends, is the Rolling Rock of white wine.

Inoffensive, endlessly drinkable and totally boring, so far CCV 2005 isn't doing much for my wine-drinking education. Which is not to say I don't like it. I'm just waiting for something to happen. I guess I expected that awesome alcoholic tingle on my tongue, and there's just nothing. It's like I'm drinking milk, but it's made out of grapes.

7 p.m.
So now I'm having dinner. I made some store-brand mac 'n' cheese (you know, so the blandness of dinner could complement the blandness of the wine). But I think I was wrong about the CCV. I'm kind of digging it now. It's all fruity and complex, but subtle. How did I not see this before? Those people at Cougar Crest are on to something. Bottom line, if macaroni and cheese counts as pasta, then I recommend drinking CCV with pasta.

8:04 p.m.
So now that I've finished my second frosty mug, I gotta tell you: Best. Wine. Ever. Oh my God, the tingle has finally set in. Except it's not just my tongue—it's my whole face. Sweet, man. Sweet. I'm floating on a cloud of awesomeness, and that awesomeness is called Cougar Crest Viognier 2005.

8:26 p.m.
Is it hot in here? Yeah. It's hot in here.

PRICE: $20-ish
DRINKABILITY: Who am I kidding? This isn't even a question.
SNOB VALUE: So I met this guy, Chris, and he said some nice things about the Cougar Crest. So it must be pretty awesome, right? Cuz he'd know, right?
WHERE TO FIND IT: Cougar Crest Winery
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: Rrrrraawwwwrrrrrr!!! (Just don't forget your packet of powdered cheese.)