Cayuse Flying Pig 2002, Buty "Beast" Cabernet Sauvignon 2005, and Cayuse Bionic Frog 2003

It makes my wine-loving friends a little sick to know I had this bottle of Cayuse Flying Pig just lying around. It makes them sicker when I tell them I have five more bottles of Cayuse (all different) in a cardboard box in my closet.

Anyway, I took the Pig to a birthday party at CreekTown this weekend. And, as luck would have it, another of my friends brought the Bionic Frog. A third friend brought the Beast.

One thing that even a charlatan understands is the difference between good and great. It's hard to articulate, but there was something about the Pig that made the Beast (a really nice wine when it's fighting in its own weight class) seem run-of-the-mill and the Frog seem self-obsessed.

The Pig has this amazing, mouth-filling quality that's hard to describe. It's like you take this little sip, and it's just so smooth and cool and, Ok, I'll say it—perfect—that you don't need any more. The depth and complexity means that even I, a notorious drunk, wanted to take the time to savor the whole glass and consider what I was tasting.

I know I'm gushing. I can't help it. It was like a fairy tale.

Once upon a time a pig met a well-dressed beast at a fancy dinner party.

"Wow, pig, I had heard about you in town, but no one knew where to find you," the aggressively handsome beast said. "They say I can learn a lot from the way you do things."

"Oh, you," the pig blushed. "I'm nothing special, I'm just a mix."

Just then a frog hopped by. "Look at me, look at me!" he hooted.

"That frog and I grew up together," the pig said with a shrug of his delicious, bacony shoulders. "He's sharp, but sometimes he's just too much."

"I totally agree," said the beast, who had gotten down on all fours and was attempting to curl his bushy tail into a delicate ringlet. "Tell me, why do you make yourself so hard to find? Everybody who knows you says you're the best. If I were you, I'd be bouncing around talking about myself like that frog."

The pig snorted a little laugh. "I bet you would. But tell me, Beast, why bounce around with the little guys when you can fly?"

PRICE: I didn't buy anything I drank this weekend, but I know these are spendy boutique wines.
DRINKABILITY: Better than water.
SNOB VALUE: Astronomical. When I set that bottle on the table, I was somebody.
WHERE TO FIND THEM: You can't buy Cayuse at all—you have to buy futures. I understand there's a huge waiting list. But don't feel bad, the Beast is easier to get. All you have to do is drive over to the Buty Winery.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: So a pig, a frog and a beast walk into a wine bar, and the bartender says, "I have drinks named after you guys!" The three look at each other for a moment. The pig says, "Really? Then I'll have a Christophe and my buddies will have a round of Calebs."