I had the pleasure of finishing off another bottle of Stephenson Viognier this weekend at the Whoopemup.
It was a little bit like the infamous diner scene in When Harry Met Sally...
Just sayin'. If you haven't tried it yet, do it now.
Monday, March 24, 2008
DaMa Cabernet Sauvignon 2004
It takes a bold wine to wash out the taste of point-blank rejection.
And in my opinion, whiskey is faster.
That said, I only had wine in my apartment tonight, so I went with wine.
DaMa cab 2004 reminds me of my vanilla cigarillo phase—somehow, Dawn and Mary managed to take a dark, smoky wine and infuse a guardrail of vanilla that can only be accessed by driving drunk on pistachio highway.
What happened was, I've been having this series of strange, desperate nonrelationships with strange, desperate men. To solace myself, I've been eating pistachios and writing long, weepy e-mails. Well, tonight I remembered that it has been a while since I said anything about wine. Maybe that'll cheer me up, I thought.
For once, I picked the right wine. While DaMa recommends The Alienist or White Lights, I'm going with Jesus' Son by Denis Johnson. It makes me feel better about my life. You know, at least I'm not a drug-addicted drifter. At least I don't spend my free time after work watching Mennonites take showers. At least I don't go on acid trips in the library in downtown Seattle. Take that, world. This is real-life success.
Ha. Ha. Ha. Back to the wine. At first all I could taste was deliciously acrid, smoky, burnt-cherry darkness (dark as the souls of desperate townies, dear reader), but once I ate a handful of pistachios, I was floating on a river. A river with vanilla trees and vanilla skies. If somebody calls you, you should answer quite slowly—it's a wine charlatan with kaleidescope eyes.
PRICE: $25 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: This is probably too intense for everyday sipping, but it'd be great with buffalo wings or anything involving Louisiana hot sauce. However, in retrospect, I've downed half a bottle myself in the past two hours, so I'm going to rate the drinkability as "high."
SNOB VALUE: Also high. People who like wine appreciate those of their comrades who possess muscular palates.
WHERE TO FIND IT: DaMa Wines, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: And you, you ridiculous people, you expect me to help you?!
And in my opinion, whiskey is faster.
That said, I only had wine in my apartment tonight, so I went with wine.
DaMa cab 2004 reminds me of my vanilla cigarillo phase—somehow, Dawn and Mary managed to take a dark, smoky wine and infuse a guardrail of vanilla that can only be accessed by driving drunk on pistachio highway.
What happened was, I've been having this series of strange, desperate nonrelationships with strange, desperate men. To solace myself, I've been eating pistachios and writing long, weepy e-mails. Well, tonight I remembered that it has been a while since I said anything about wine. Maybe that'll cheer me up, I thought.
For once, I picked the right wine. While DaMa recommends The Alienist or White Lights, I'm going with Jesus' Son by Denis Johnson. It makes me feel better about my life. You know, at least I'm not a drug-addicted drifter. At least I don't spend my free time after work watching Mennonites take showers. At least I don't go on acid trips in the library in downtown Seattle. Take that, world. This is real-life success.Ha. Ha. Ha. Back to the wine. At first all I could taste was deliciously acrid, smoky, burnt-cherry darkness (dark as the souls of desperate townies, dear reader), but once I ate a handful of pistachios, I was floating on a river. A river with vanilla trees and vanilla skies. If somebody calls you, you should answer quite slowly—it's a wine charlatan with kaleidescope eyes.
PRICE: $25 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: This is probably too intense for everyday sipping, but it'd be great with buffalo wings or anything involving Louisiana hot sauce. However, in retrospect, I've downed half a bottle myself in the past two hours, so I'm going to rate the drinkability as "high."
SNOB VALUE: Also high. People who like wine appreciate those of their comrades who possess muscular palates.
WHERE TO FIND IT: DaMa Wines, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: And you, you ridiculous people, you expect me to help you?!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Problem solved?
Shipping News
My parents live in Pennsylvania, a state with liquor laws that make Pittsburgh look like Pyongyang. Will I finally be able to order wine for them online, or will I continue to purchase, pack and mail it by hand?
I shudder to think that Amazon's "clout" is the only thing working in my favor.
Then again, these are the same people who are selling me DRM-free MP3s.
My parents live in Pennsylvania, a state with liquor laws that make Pittsburgh look like Pyongyang. Will I finally be able to order wine for them online, or will I continue to purchase, pack and mail it by hand?
I shudder to think that Amazon's "clout" is the only thing working in my favor.
Then again, these are the same people who are selling me DRM-free MP3s.
Monday, March 10, 2008
DaMa Riesling 2006
This Riesling is everything a good Riesling should set out to be. True to the varietal, it's sugary sweet. But it has more to offer than your garden-variety grocery store Riesling. Like a newborn kitten that's been frolicking in a bakery, it's soft and fuzzy with hints of ginger and honey.
If you like sweet white wine, or if you're making scallops in cream sauce with red bell pepper for dinner tonight, you need a bottle. You need a bottle right this minute.
PRICE: $16 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: Everything you love about the Grape Nehi, but without all the baggage. I am woman, hear me roar.
SNOB VALUE: A great conversation piece for your next Oprah's Book Club meeting—wines made by women, for women. Now that's highbrow.
WHERE TO FIND IT: DaMa Wines, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: Take a bottle—shake it up! Break the bubble—break it up! Pour some sugar on me...
If you like sweet white wine, or if you're making scallops in cream sauce with red bell pepper for dinner tonight, you need a bottle. You need a bottle right this minute.
PRICE: $16 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: Everything you love about the Grape Nehi, but without all the baggage. I am woman, hear me roar.
SNOB VALUE: A great conversation piece for your next Oprah's Book Club meeting—wines made by women, for women. Now that's highbrow.
WHERE TO FIND IT: DaMa Wines, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: Take a bottle—shake it up! Break the bubble—break it up! Pour some sugar on me...
Stephenson Cellars Viognier 2006
If I met this wine at a party and it asked me to go home with it that night, you can bet I'd be making its breakfast the next day.
It's that smooth.
This wine was so good, I didn't take tasting notes. I just sat there in a state of borderline mouthgasm, unable to speak, think or write. To quote Homer Simpson, "This must be what angels taste like."
Floral, but with a green apple tartness; musty, but somehow sweet; this wine just kept giving. And as I quivered in my chair and tried to keep it together, I realized something profound: I finally knew what it meant to be in love.
PRICE: $20 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: You know how every time you pass a wine on the street you sort of casually ask yourself, "Would I drink that?" Well, I'm here to tell you I would drink this Viognier all night long and still come back for more. It would beg for mercy, but I wouldn't stop until I'd gotten every last drop.
SNOB VALUE: A truly good wine, no matter the price, will always draw the right kind of attention.
WHERE TO FIND IT: Stephenson Cellars, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: Mrs. Viognier...? Yeah, I like the sound of that.
Tertulia Cellars Table Red 2005
The flavor of this wine had all the subtle sophistication of children's Robitussin—with none of the decongestant benefits. And that's coming from the least sophisticated person in the room. Of course, a wine like this has its place—dark, smoky bars; holy communion; wedding dinners in church gymnasiums; sno-cone stands...
Alright, enough bashing. Here's the thing. Say you have some family back east. Your grandma, for instance. And maybe she's never really had a taste for wine. This is the bottle to send her for Christmas. Why? Because it's candy in a bottle. If Jolly Ranchers came in "red wine" flavor, this is what they'd taste like. It's short, it's fruity, it's tart and it won't offend anyone.
Mark my words: Your grandma will love this wine.
PRICE: $22 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: The more you have, the easier it gets. Actually, pretty much everything gets easier the more you have.
SNOB VALUE: Here's my shout-out for the Tertulia label. That's one sharp design those kids have come up with. The bottle looks dark and mysterious, like it belongs in some kind of film noir about a nursery school. Or maybe something by M. Night Shyamalan.
WHERE TO FIND IT: Tertulia Cellars, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: "Please put your sweater back on, Grandma. You're scaring the dog."
K Vintners Motor City Kitty Syrah
"Does anybody else like smelling that stuff you spit out?" This, the first question of the night, with the first wine of the night, is where my wine-appreciating companions lost me. Because 1) A lewd and unprintable reply immediately popped into my head, and 2) Why would anyone voluntarily spit out an alcoholic beverage?
Whenever undigested (or semidigested) alcohol has come out of my mouth, it has been in a particular form—the smelling of which is not conducive to learning anything except the acid content of my stomach.
But then someone says something intelligent about enzymes and I have to admit that there may be some noncomedic merit to the question. I watch as the other five people at the table sip, gargle, spit, swish and swirl the contents of their glasses. They are using words like "nose" (not the thing on your face) and being appreciative of the color, texture and technical attributes of the Syrah.
My complete tasting notes, taken on company letterhead from my real job, are as follows:
• Strong alcoholic scent.
• Saliva-inducing.
• More red, less purple.
• Borderline spicy.
• A little bit of ick at the end.
That last one was the real surprise of the evening. I really liked the MCK until I stopped drinking it. Then there was a certain aftertaste in the back of my throat that I really didn't care for. Luckily, I had three more wines to go that night, so the pain was short-lived.
PRICE: $40 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: Pretty easygoing, especially for a Syrah. I'm impressed.
SNOB VALUE: I suppose this hinges on whether your audience has met Charles personally.
WHERE TO FIND IT: K Vintners, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: Cat got your tongue? Lucky you.
Whenever undigested (or semidigested) alcohol has come out of my mouth, it has been in a particular form—the smelling of which is not conducive to learning anything except the acid content of my stomach.
But then someone says something intelligent about enzymes and I have to admit that there may be some noncomedic merit to the question. I watch as the other five people at the table sip, gargle, spit, swish and swirl the contents of their glasses. They are using words like "nose" (not the thing on your face) and being appreciative of the color, texture and technical attributes of the Syrah.
My complete tasting notes, taken on company letterhead from my real job, are as follows:
• Strong alcoholic scent.
• Saliva-inducing.
• More red, less purple.
• Borderline spicy.
• A little bit of ick at the end.
That last one was the real surprise of the evening. I really liked the MCK until I stopped drinking it. Then there was a certain aftertaste in the back of my throat that I really didn't care for. Luckily, I had three more wines to go that night, so the pain was short-lived.
PRICE: $40 at Walla Walla Wine Cellar
DRINKABILITY: Pretty easygoing, especially for a Syrah. I'm impressed.
SNOB VALUE: I suppose this hinges on whether your audience has met Charles personally.
WHERE TO FIND IT: K Vintners, Walla Walla Wine Cellar
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: Cat got your tongue? Lucky you.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Cayuse Flying Pig 2002, Buty "Beast" Cabernet Sauvignon 2005, and Cayuse Bionic Frog 2003
It makes my wine-loving friends a little sick to know I had this bottle of Cayuse Flying Pig just lying around. It makes them sicker when I tell them I have five more bottles of Cayuse (all different) in a cardboard box in my closet.
Anyway, I took the Pig to a birthday party at CreekTown this weekend. And, as luck would have it, another of my friends brought the Bionic Frog. A third friend brought the Beast.
One thing that even a charlatan understands is the difference between good and great. It's hard to articulate, but there was something about the Pig that made the Beast (a really nice wine when it's fighting in its own weight class) seem run-of-the-mill and the Frog seem self-obsessed.
The Pig has this amazing, mouth-filling quality that's hard to describe. It's like you take this little sip, and it's just so smooth and cool and, Ok, I'll say it—perfect—that you don't need any more. The depth and complexity means that even I, a notorious drunk, wanted to take the time to savor the whole glass and consider what I was tasting.
I know I'm gushing. I can't help it. It was like a fairy tale.
Once upon a time a pig met a well-dressed beast at a fancy dinner party.
"Wow, pig, I had heard about you in town, but no one knew where to find you," the aggressively handsome beast said. "They say I can learn a lot from the way you do things."
"Oh, you," the pig blushed. "I'm nothing special, I'm just a mix."
Just then a frog hopped by. "Look at me, look at me!" he hooted.
"That frog and I grew up together," the pig said with a shrug of his delicious, bacony shoulders. "He's sharp, but sometimes he's just too much."
"I totally agree," said the beast, who had gotten down on all fours and was attempting to curl his bushy tail into a delicate ringlet. "Tell me, why do you make yourself so hard to find? Everybody who knows you says you're the best. If I were you, I'd be bouncing around talking about myself like that frog."
The pig snorted a little laugh. "I bet you would. But tell me, Beast, why bounce around with the little guys when you can fly?"
PRICE: I didn't buy anything I drank this weekend, but I know these are spendy boutique wines.
DRINKABILITY: Better than water.
SNOB VALUE: Astronomical. When I set that bottle on the table, I was somebody.
WHERE TO FIND THEM: You can't buy Cayuse at all—you have to buy futures. I understand there's a huge waiting list. But don't feel bad, the Beast is easier to get. All you have to do is drive over to the Buty Winery.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: So a pig, a frog and a beast walk into a wine bar, and the bartender says, "I have drinks named after you guys!" The three look at each other for a moment. The pig says, "Really? Then I'll have a Christophe and my buddies will have a round of Calebs."
Anyway, I took the Pig to a birthday party at CreekTown this weekend. And, as luck would have it, another of my friends brought the Bionic Frog. A third friend brought the Beast.
One thing that even a charlatan understands is the difference between good and great. It's hard to articulate, but there was something about the Pig that made the Beast (a really nice wine when it's fighting in its own weight class) seem run-of-the-mill and the Frog seem self-obsessed.
The Pig has this amazing, mouth-filling quality that's hard to describe. It's like you take this little sip, and it's just so smooth and cool and, Ok, I'll say it—perfect—that you don't need any more. The depth and complexity means that even I, a notorious drunk, wanted to take the time to savor the whole glass and consider what I was tasting.
I know I'm gushing. I can't help it. It was like a fairy tale.
Once upon a time a pig met a well-dressed beast at a fancy dinner party.
"Wow, pig, I had heard about you in town, but no one knew where to find you," the aggressively handsome beast said. "They say I can learn a lot from the way you do things."
"Oh, you," the pig blushed. "I'm nothing special, I'm just a mix."
Just then a frog hopped by. "Look at me, look at me!" he hooted.
"That frog and I grew up together," the pig said with a shrug of his delicious, bacony shoulders. "He's sharp, but sometimes he's just too much."
"I totally agree," said the beast, who had gotten down on all fours and was attempting to curl his bushy tail into a delicate ringlet. "Tell me, why do you make yourself so hard to find? Everybody who knows you says you're the best. If I were you, I'd be bouncing around talking about myself like that frog."
The pig snorted a little laugh. "I bet you would. But tell me, Beast, why bounce around with the little guys when you can fly?"
PRICE: I didn't buy anything I drank this weekend, but I know these are spendy boutique wines.
DRINKABILITY: Better than water.
SNOB VALUE: Astronomical. When I set that bottle on the table, I was somebody.
WHERE TO FIND THEM: You can't buy Cayuse at all—you have to buy futures. I understand there's a huge waiting list. But don't feel bad, the Beast is easier to get. All you have to do is drive over to the Buty Winery.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: So a pig, a frog and a beast walk into a wine bar, and the bartender says, "I have drinks named after you guys!" The three look at each other for a moment. The pig says, "Really? Then I'll have a Christophe and my buddies will have a round of Calebs."
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