2007 Charles Smith Wines Kung Fu Girl Riesling

So when I pulled this bottle out of my wine rack (OK, to be fair, my “wine rack” is two cardboard boxes in my bedroom closet) my first thought was, where can I get a tripod and timer? Because, obviously, the only possible picture to accompany this review is of me breaking a board with my forehead.

Alas, after several “practice runs” karate-chopping household items (easiest: reduced-fat Triscuits; most difficult: slate-top coffee table) I decided that “Kung-Fu Girl” was not a nickname I’d be earning anytime soon. Maybe I could illustrate the post with pictures of my bruised hand.

So, with preliminaries completed, I unscrewed the bottle and took a long pull.

What follows is a transcript of my thoughts:

• “Hmmmmm.”
• “Huh?”
• “Oooooh.”
• “Ahhhh.”

Kung Fu Girl is most aptly described as “refreshing,” I think. I don’t know what other people taste, but in general, I find riesling to be very apple cidery. In fact, if you put this next to a glass of Spire and blindfolded me, I’d probably not be able to tell that they weren’t from the same family of beverages.

Which isn’t to say that it is an oversimplified flavor. KFG can be quite complex and tangy. It has hints of vinegar (not in a bad way, mind you), lime and pear.

When pitted against a dinner of grilled sweet onion and bleu cheese on a bed of mixed greens, it held up surprisingly well. (Far, far better than those Triscuits held up against my fists of fury.)

PRICE:$12
DRINKABILITY: I don’t even know why I include this category. For the right kind of person, everything is drinkable. I’d drink straight Windex if it came in a glass with three olives and an umbrella.
SNOB VALUE: Check out the ratings. Charles Smith can do no wrong.
WHERE TO FIND IT: K Vintners and any grocery store in eastern Washington state.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: In Chinese, “Kung Fu” refers to one's expertise in any skill, not necessarily martial arts. Time and again, regardless of the label, Charles Smith has Kung Fu-ed his way through the grapes of eastern Washington. Hieeeeee-yah!

Taking off my 'lecture hat'

I had to take a little break from drinking wine for the blog. I would say it was for financial reasons, but really, it had more to do with being a little on the moody side for the past couple of weeks. Nobody wants to read tasting notes that read like a cry for help.

I was simultaneously very occupied and very restless. I wanted to drink for non-educational reasons. Thus I found myself “tasting” pitchers of Bud Light over games of ping-pong. (From my notes: “Wait, there was beer in this cup? I could have sworn this one was the urine sample.”)

I did drink some wine since the last post, of course. It can’t be helped. I had a nice 2005 Syrah from L’Ecole. I had two quite decent Napa wines and one undrinkable Australian in a blind tasting with friends. I downed half a bottle of real champagne one eventful Friday night.

None of this taught me anything. Nothing I can say about it will enlighten you. Maybe you’ll come away from this post wondering what exactly I’m getting at.

So I’ll tell you. As I read back through these posts, they seem more and more pretentious. So I’m trying to get back to my roots. Take my word for it: I don’t know any more about wine now than I did six months ago.

Also in the category of things I don’t know much about:
• African colonization in the 18th century.
• String theory.
• Milan Kundera.
• Internal combustion engines.
• Men.

This is my pledge to you, dearest reader: July will be a month of hilarious, lighthearted posts. No more wallowing around in the interior wasteland of my personal life.

Less thinking, more drinking. I promise.